JACK SCHITT

Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says 'You don't know Jack Schitt'.  Read on and you will be able to handle the situation intelligently.

Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and Oh Schitt.  Awe Schitt, the fertiliser magnate, married Oh Schitt, a partner of Kneedeep and Schitt Incorporated.  Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religous couple begat 6 children - Holie, Fulla, Giva, Bull and the twins Deap and Dip.  Against their parents wishes, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop-out.

After 15 years of marriage, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.  Noe Schitt later married a Mr Sherlock, and out of devotion to her children, decided to hyphenate her name and became Noe Schitt-Sherlock.

Dip Schitt married a woman named Loda Dung, who became, you guessed it, Loda Schitt.  The couple produced a nervous son, Chicken . . .

Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, inseparable throughout childhood, subsequently married the Happens brothers.  The local paper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding, which was quite an event.  The Schitt-Happens gave birth to 3 children, Dawg, Byrd and Hoarse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world.  He returned from his travels with his Italian bride, Piza Schitt.

So, NOW if someone says 'You don't know Jack Schitt', you can beg to differ.  Not only do you know Jack, but the entire Schitt family.