This was allegedly posted very briefly on the
McDonnell Douglas Website by an employee there who obviously has a sense
of humour. The company, of course, does not have a sense of humour, and
made the web department take it down immediately (for once, the 'IMPORTANT' note at the end is
worth a read too...).
Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In
order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill
out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions
is not required, but the information will help us to develop new
products that best meet your needs and desires.
1. [_] Mr. [_] Mrs. [_] Ms. [_] Miss [_] Lt. [_] Gen. [_] Comrade
[_] Classified [_] Other
First Name: .....................................................
Initial: ........
Last Name......................................................
Password: .............................. (max. 8 char)
Code Name: ......................................................
Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ........... ...........
2. Which model of aircraft did you purchase?
[_] F-14 Tomcat [_] F-15 Eagle [_] F-16 Falcon [_] F-117A Stealth [_]
Classified
3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): ..... /....... /......
4. Serial Number: ...............................................
5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:
[_] Received as gift / aid package [_] Catalogue / showroom [_]
Independent arms broker
[_] Mail order [_] Discount store [_] Government surplus [_] Classified
6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas
product you have just purchased:
[_] Heard loud noise, looked up [_] Store display [_] Espionage [_]
Recommended by friend / relative / ally
[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer [_] Was attacked by one
7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your
decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
[_] Style / appearance [_] Speed / manoeuvrability [_] Price / value [_]
Comfort / convenience
[_] Kickback / bribe [_] Recommended by salesperson [_] McDonnell
Douglas reputation
[_] Advanced Weapons Systems [_] Backroom politics [_] Negative
experience opposing one in combat
8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used:
[_] North America [_] Iraq [_] Iraq [_] Aircraft carrier [_] Iraq [_]
Europe [_] Iraq
[_] Middle East (not Iraq)[_] Iraq [_] Africa [_] Iraq [_] Asia / Far
East [_] Iraq
[_] Misc. Third World countries [_] Iraq [_] Classified
9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to
purchase in the near future:
[_] Colour TV [_] VCR [_] ICBM [_] Killer Satellite [_] CD Player [_] AA
Missiles
[_] Space Shuttle [_] Home Computer [_] Nuclear Weapon
10. How would you describe yourself or your organisation? (Indicate
all that apply:)
[_] Communist / Socialist [_] Terrorist [_] Crazed [_] Neutral [_]
Democratic
[_] Dictatorship [_] Corrupt [_] Primitive / Tribal
11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
[_] Deficit spending [_] Cash [_] Suitcases of cocaine [_] Oil revenues
[_] Personal cheque
[_] Credit card [_] Ransom money [_] Traveller's cheque
12. Your occupation:
[_] Homemaker [_] Sales / marketing [_] Revolutionary [_] Clerical [_]
Mercenary
[_] Tyrant [_] Middle management [_] Eccentric billionaire
[_] Defence Minister / General [_] Retired [_] Student
13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the
interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy
participating on a regular basis:
[_] Golf [_] Boating / sailing [_] Sabotage [_] Running / jogging [_]
Propaganda / misinformation
[_] Destabilisation / overthrow [_] Default on loans [_] Gardening [_]
Crafts [_] Black market / smuggling
[_] Collectibles / collections [_] Watching sports on TV [_] Wines [_]
Interrogation / torture
[_] Household pets [_] Crushing rebellions [_] Espionage /
reconnaissance [_] Fashion clothing
[_] Border disputes [_] Mutually Assured Destruction
Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your
answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas
serve you better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive
mailings and
special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and
mysterious consortia. As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will
be registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder
Sweepstakes!
Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:
McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION Marketing Department Military,
Aerospace Division
IMPORTANT: This email is intended for the use
of the individual addressee(s) named above and may contain information
that is confidential privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive
persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humour or irrational religious
beliefs. If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination,
distribution or copying of this email is not authorised (either
explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux
pas.
Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its correct context
somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or no
grammatical use and may be ignored. No animals were harmed in the
transmission of this email, although the kelpie next door is living on
borrowed time, let me tell you. Those of you with an overwhelming fear
of the unknown will be gratified to learn that there is no hidden
message revealed by reading this warning backwards, so just ignore that
Alert Notice from Microsoft. However, by pouring a complete circle of
salt around yourself and your computer you can ensure that no harm
befalls you and your pets. If you have received this email in error,
please add some nutmeg and egg whites, whisk and place in a warm oven
for 40 minutes.
mcdonnell
douglas
